Articles by Jacob Zlomke
Editor's Note (09/0710) (09-07-2010)Volcano Eruption In Iceland Reminds Rest Of World That Iceland Is Still A Place (04-27-2010)
Last U.S. Sardine Cannery Closes, Tens Of People Devastated (04-27-2010)
In Areas Of Low Census Return, Thousands Found Inexplicably Dead (04-27-2010)
With Special Olympics Approach, Lincolnites Struggle To Find Leas Offensive Name To Call 'Them' (04-27-2010)
Obama On Funding $938 Billion Healthcare Bill: 'I Know A Guy' (03-30-2010)
Groundbreaking Research Urges Alzheimer’s Patients To Forget Everything They Know About Alzheimer’s (03-30-2010)
Fox News Reports: Most Pro-choice Supporters Actually Pro-Death (03-09-2010)
National Organization For Women Unable To Prove They Don't Belong In The Kitchen (03-09-2010)
In New Russian Chat Roulette, One In Every Six Users Shoots You In The Face (03-09-2010)
Realist Party Promises To Do Nothing At All (02-23-2010)
Large Grey Yeti Appears To Eat Olympic Skiers Halfway Through Course (02-23-2010)
College Of Engineering Celebrates 100 Years Of Teaching Students To Drive Trains (02-09-2010)
Obama Pledges To Talk More About Making Decisions In Second Year (02-09-2010)
Bum On Corner Used To Be Trapeze Artist, Fireman, Lizard (01-26-2010)
Conversation Turns Awkward When Shih Tzu Walks In On Dog Joke (12-01-2009)
Boyfriend’s Bedroom Mannerisms Remind Girl Fondly Of Stepfather (11-17-2009)
Girl Passed Out On Couch Wouldn’t Dress Like That If She Didn’t Want Something (11-17-2009)
Typo Leads To Congress Passing Pubic Healthcare Option (11-03-2009)
In Hilarious Blunder, Local Teen Has Two Dates To Big Dance (10-06-2009)
Led Zeppelin Tattoo Not As Cool As Guy With Led Zeppelin Tattoo Thinks It Is (10-06-2009)
Small Town Has A Lot Going On, Reports Every Visiting Politician (09-22-2009)
Beneath Bed Sheets May Be Only Safe Haven From Expected Boogie Man Attacks (09-22-2009)