Articles by Ben Plowman
Serial Killer Would Kill To Watch Another Human Life Fade Away Before His Eyes (12-15-2009)‘2 Corinthians 2 Furious’ Probably Local Teen’s Favorite Book Of Teen Bible (12-15-2009)
Children Wiggling On Lap Is All Mall Santa Wants For Christmas (12-15-2009)
Dementia-Ridden Grandmother Accidentally Says Something Profound (12-15-2009)
Mormon Slut Will Hold Hands With Just About Anybody (12-01-2009)
Kids Lose Quiet Game (12-01-2009)
Monsanto Patents Method For Extracting Plants From Soil (11-17-2009)
J.D. Salinger Crumples Up Yet Another Story About Troubled Boy From New York (11-17-2009)
Study: One In Five Dentists Wouldn’t Put Colgate Brand Toothpaste Anywhere Near Their Mouth (11-17-2009)
Lazy Patriot Hoping Flags Are At Half-Staff Today (11-03-2009)
Obama Appoints Czar Czar To Overhaul Government Czars (11-03-2009)
Gay Community Cannot Wait To Exercise Right To Die In Middle East (11-03-2009)
UN Representative With Slow Translator Unsure What Everyone Is Applauding About (11-03-2009)
Perfectly Preserved 1950s Small Town Discovered In Western Nebraska (10-06-2009)
Duck Census Challenges Core Beliefs Of Ducks Unlimited (10-06-2009)
Hannah Montana Catches Rare Disease That Only Merchandise Sales Can Cure (09-22-2009)
Patrick Swayze To Star In “Ghost” Sequel (09-22-2009)
House Urges Joe Wilson To Use Inside Voice, Turn On Listening Ears (09-22-2009)
Neighbor’s Dogs Outraged To See You Going Outside (09-22-2009)
FBI Reveal ‘Handgun Killer’ Repeatedly Shoots Bullets From Handgun Into Victims (09-08-2009)
Adults Unable To Grasp Even Basics Of New Kids Cereal (09-08-2009)
Seattle Pre-Intelligencer Unsurprised By Collapse Of Rival Paper (09-08-2009)
Hipster’s Testicles Win Legal Emancipation After Years Of Tight-jean Abuse (11-25-2008)
Unitarian Church Excommunicates Student For Having Specific Beliefs (11-25-2008)
Drunken Obama Equally Charismatic (11-11-2008)
Honor Student Pressures Pothead Friend To Try UCARE (11-11-2008)
Daredevil Paraplegic Takes The Stairs (11-11-2008)
English Major Smoking 2-foot-long Cigarette Asserts Lordship Over Andrews Hall (11-11-2008)
Dining Halls To Replace Wasteful Trays, Plates, Silverware With Troughs (10-28-2008)
Michael Phelps Closing Fast In Final Moments Of Presidential Elections (10-28-2008)
‘Mad Money’ Accurately Depicts Stock Market For First Time In Show’s History (10-28-2008)
Frantic Congress Announces All Money Now Worth Double (10-28-2008)
Candidate Justifies Complicated Policy Decision With A Single Anecdote (10-14-2008)
Marine Corps Beats Peace Corps In Annual Softball Game (10-14-2008)
McCain Promises Nation’s Youth Hard Candies If Elected (10-14-2008)
8-Second Pre-meal Prayer Saves Student From Eternal Damnation (10-14-2008)
Younger Sister Defies Repeated Warnings To Stop Hitting Self (09-30-2008)
Swimmer Inspires Nation By Swimming Slightly Faster Than Opponents (09-30-2008)
Grandmother Impressed By Number Of Blacks Going To College These Days (09-30-2008)
Left-handed Person’s Greatest Accomplishment Remains Left-handedness (09-30-2008)