Woman Confused As To Why Boyfriend Is Upset With Castration

Story by Hilary Stohs-Krause 

| Published Oct 28, 2008

Danielle Perkins said she just doesn’t get it.

The 23-year-old Lincoln resident is facing assault charges for castrating then-boyfriend Dick Johnson with a nail file two days ago.

Johnson is in the hospital, but doctors have been unable to reattach his member due to the jagged edges of the wound.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Perkins said with a shrug. “I told him if I caught him cheating again I’d cut it off.”

Johnson was “tramping around” with a woman from one of his classes, Perkins said, “a douchey freshman who probably bartends” at a strip club downtown.

Perkins has apparently shown no remorse.

“I gave him fair warning,” she said, idly twirling a strand of hair. “I really don’t get why he’s so upset. I use to joke I was going to slit his throat at the moment of climax – he should consider himself lucky, if you ask me.”

As for the chosen punishment, Perkins said it made perfect sense.

“I mean, it was a surefire way to get him to stop whoring around,” she said. “And it’s not like I’d be missing anything since the sex kind of sucked anyway.”

Friends have had mixed reactions.

“Holy shit, man, I can’t believe she cut off his dong!” said Stan Kennedy, Johnson’s roommate. “We keep coming up with new jokes for when we go visit him in the hospital – like, hey, you  gotta try out this super hot babe I met, she fucks like an animal … OH WAIT! Snap!”

Kennedy added that he bought Johnson three handles of whiskey, “because it’s not like he’ll ever get whiskey dick again … ZING!”

He also taped a huge poster from the movie “Shaft” above Johnson’s bed.

“But you know what the worst part of this whole thing is?” Kennedy said, momentarily serious. “The chick he was fooling around with wasn’t even that hot.”

Perkins’ roommate Caitlin Sherman said Johnson deserved the castration.

“That guy was a total cock,” she said disgustedly. “He had it coming … though not anymore!

“But really, Dani should have known better than to use her crystal nail file from Sephora on a schlong.”

As for Johnson himself, he said Perkins was “totally bogus.”

“Yeah, so maybe I was banging that girl behind Dani’s back, but so what? She was practically begging me for it,” he said. “Dani used to threaten to castrate me if she caught me with another chick, but I never took her seriously.

“For fuck’s sake, she cut off my sausage!”

When told Johnson’s reaction, Perkins just shrugged again.

"I really just don’t get it,” she said, looking bored. “So I cut off his penis. It’s not like he died or anything.”