With George Clooney’s Help, American Successfully Locates Darfur On A Map

Story by Kelsey Richard 

| Published Jan 18, 2011

Eager to disprove the “ignorant American” stereotype, Lincoln’s own Bill Bosmeyer has successfully pinpointed the location of war-torn Darfur, Sudan on a world map. With the proudest of grins, Bosmeyer explained the enlightening and inspiring experience.

During a recent channel-flipping session break from the “Jersey Shore” premier, Bosmeyer noticed a familiar face on CNN.

“George Clooney – on CNN? Freaking-sex-on-a-stick George Clooney on the smart people channel. Turns out there’s this state called, like, Darfur, and some crazy shit has been going down. And I was like, ‘what the hell, George Clooney? Where is that?’”

Fortunately, all it takes for an excellent geography lesson is a natural disaster or a decently bloody conflict.

“After I found out it was in Africa... I gotta say, I was relieved. At first I thought it was in Iowa or something, and I was like, ‘shit guys, it’s time to dipset!’ But it’s okay, the baby soldiers and crazy pillaging is all the way over where they did ‘The Lion King,' so really, no worries.”

Bosmeyer went on to explain that this wasn’t the first time such an epiphany has occured. He learned where Haiti was last year when Anderson Cooper went to go clean up the earthquake, and learned the word “tsunami” in 2004 when 200,000+ “Indonesian peoples’ Christmases totally sucked.”

“Seriously, this is more than I ever learned in school. Thank God we’ve got George Clooney and the other celebs to clear things up for us.”