We're Just Throwing That Shit In The Trash | The City Of Lincoln's Recycling Operations

Story by  

| Published Sep 6, 2011

I think it’s about time that we over at the recycling operations here in Lincoln admitted something to you guys: we haven’t actually recycled anything you’ve sent to us. Ever. In fact, I’d venture to say none of us even knows exactly how to recycle or why people bother (honestly, they can always make more plastic and glass; we don’t see what the big deal is). Basically, we just take the plastics, aluminum, and glass that you’ve conscientiously sorted for us and toss it right into a landfill.

Why, you ask? Because no one notices. Do you ever even think about what happens to the plastic once you’ve tossed it into the recycling bin? Of course you don’t, because deep down you really don’t give a shit. You want people to see that you’ve tossed that empty pop bottle into the recycling so that you can feel superior, but don’t lie to yourself: you wouldn’t recycle that bottle if there wasn’t anyone around to notice you doing it. And that makes perfect sense. Why do things that no one is going to give you credit for? Which brings us back to our main point.

No one ever notices us! How the hell are we supposed to feel superior about what we’re doing if no one pays attention? Shit, half of us only took this job so we could act smug and self-important every time someone asked us where we worked, but instead people seem to see it as just another sort of gross low-skill job. They don’t even say thank you. Do have any idea how hard it is to do a job when all you get is a paycheck, with no gratitude from the public? No one even cares that we are saving the environment!

So fuck it, we won’t save the environment. We’ll just do what you’re too self-absorbed to do: throw your god damn garbage where it belongs, in a landfill. You’re welcome.