Vatican On Priest's Molestation Of Girl: 'At Least He's Not Gay'

Story by Greg Bright 

| Published Oct 5, 2010

Vatican leaders breathed a sigh of relief today when they found out the latest molestation charges brought against a priest were from a female victim.

“It was so nice to hear a woman’s name for once. You have no idea the stress it put on us priests to know that our brothers in Christ are engaging in homosexual activities,” said Vatican priest John Rios.

“For once, a priest is destroying the life of a young child in a natural way. It’s just so reassuring.”

Other priests concurred, saying that this case reaffirmed their commitment to God and to the Catholic Church.

“I’m going to be honest with you. I was really beginning to doubt my faith in the Church and in God. How could he allow his most sacred Church to be riddled with the shame of homosexuality among its leaders?” said priest Aaron Chaps.

“This case proves that there are still righteous men out there, trying to live by God’s rule.”

The Vatican, in an attempt to increase exposure of the case, announced that it will be ending its media ban on the subject of molestation, but only for this specific case.

“Yes, we are allowing priests to talk about the one specific case of molestation against the girl, but that is all. Don’t even try to talk to them about any other cases, that’s still forbidden,” a Vatican spokesman said.

“This case will prove once and for all that priests can be heterosexual, contrary to popular belief.”