Ukraine Disposes Of Nuclear Material In Iran

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Apr 27, 2010

When the Eastern European nation of Ukraine made the difficult decision to completely disarm their nuclear arsenal, it was met with international applause. However, the toughest decision for the former Soviet nation was yet to come: What should they do with all of their enriched nuclear uranium?

Thankfully, to Ukraine president Viktor Yanukovych, the choice was easy.

"Our friends to the south in the Islamic Republic have offered to take it," said Yanukovych, referring to the land most commonly known as Iran. "Isn't it generous of them? We had no idea what to do with this material, which is highly toxic and can easily be weaponized. Who says that people aren't courteous to each other anymore?"

A visibly overjoyed Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, announced the news at a public stoning.

"We are always pleased to help our fellow man," sad Mahmoud. "And no one need worry. We'll probably just put the uranium in the desert or something, where it will do no harm."

The United States was quick to condemn the decision.

"What? Really guys? Come on," said Vice President Joe Biden. "Iran doesn't need that stuff, especially when my buddy Shi (Israeli president Shimon Peres) could use the stuff. At least shop it around next time."