TLC To Debut 'Jon Minus Nine'

Story by Logan Thompson 

| Published Sep 8, 2009

Jon Gosselin’s TLC hit “Jon and Kate Plus 8” is ending with a very public divorce and Jon’s subsequent binge drinking / whore banging. This week he will make his return to reality television on the same network.

Gosselin is widely believed to have fathered a set of twins in 2000, followed by a litter of sextuplets in 2004, which led to the creation of “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” However, because bitter demon slags are capable of asexual spawning -- that is to say they never must lay claw on a male -- the children may not belong to Jon Gosselin at all. In a recent Vanity Fair interview, the possible father said it was that hope [of the children not being his] that gave him the drive to pursue the kind of freedom that usually comes only alongside the calm stillness of death.

Kate Gosselin kept silent for weeks in regard to her ex-husband’s endeavor, but during a recent phone interview she recorded this short statement:

“Jon can do whatever he wants now. I am really happy for him if he’s happy, and if he no longer wants to be a part of his children’s lives then God DAMN it Collin I’m on the phone! No. No. Shut up. No. Have you made lunch yet? You’re five and you still haven’t learned to use the food proces-- [inaudible] -- Stop. Crying. ... Jesus. What are you, gay?”

Despite Kate Gosselin’s kind words, it’s the die-hard fans of the couple who will ultimately decide the fate of “Jon Minus 9.” Television fans are often wary of spin-off shows, but most followers of “Jon and Kate” seem ready to give the new series a chance.

Stacy White, a junior at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, said she’ll watch the premiere of “Jon Minus 9” because she is a lifelong fan of the original show, currently in its fifth season. She said she just loves watching it especially the two cute little oriental-looking kids oh wait they all are haha Kate rhymes with Asia.

Those on the opposing side are often educated in mathematics.

“I’m just saying, it doesn’t really make sense. It should be called ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus 9,’ but whatever,” said UNL computer science major Beth Plowson.

It should be noted that Jon minus nine is, in fact, negative eight.

“Jon Minus 9” premieres Friday, Sept. 11 at 8 p.m. CT.