Tea Party Activists Intentionally Contract Deadly Diseases In Attempt To “Bankrupt Obamacare”

Story by Erik Mellgren 

| Published Mar 30, 2010

In an unexpected and unadvisable move, Tea Party activists across the nation have been digging through biohazard containers filled with used hypodermic needles and toxic materials in an attempt to infect themselves with deadly diseases. This mass push for self-imposed illness was recently coordinated by television anchor and Tea Party supporter, Glenn Beck, in protest of the new health care bill.

Government officials have been urging people not to infect themselves since, contrary to popular Tea Party accusations, the new health care bill does not include socialized medicine.

“If they are going to turn this country into Russia by taking my money and using it to to pay for other people to get abortions, then it is my patriotic duty to do everything in my power to make sure that Obama and his socialist agenda fail,” shouted Jeff Shoemaker, a Tea Party activist from Lincoln.

Health officials are concerned about the sudden increase in the contraction of deadly and potentially incurable diseases. Hundreds of activists have already been turned away by hospitals, as said activists either did not have health insurance, or their insurer opted not to cover their treatment.

After drinking from a bucket labeled “Ebola” on his show, Beck turned the effort nationwide. He encouraged all “defenders of freedom” to infect themselves with a deadly disease until, as he put it, “Obamacare has been completely bankrupted and we can return to the days where the free market system protected and sheltered all people of this great country.”

The death toll from this latest Tea Party protest is expected to be dramatically high. Despite the passage of the health care bill, a high proportion of the protesters still have the same horrendous insurance coverage they did last month. Most insurers have already found a way out of providing coverage for the self-inflicted diseases, citing that "bleeding out of every orifice" does not actually constitute a medical emergency.