Study Shows Negative Correlation Between Between Bitches, Money

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Nov 23, 2010

Freshman international studies major Sherman Plateau has abandoned his charitable plans to benefit Haiti, reportedly because the disaster is “too well known by now.”

“No one had even heard of Haiti or Port-au-Prince until I told them about it. Everyone read my Tumblr entry, ‘Why Doesn’t Anyone Care About Haiti?’ and suddenly everyone and their dog is an activist.”

Since the 7.0 magnitude earthquake in January, Haiti has received an outpouring of international monetary support. Later that month Sherman founded Hipsters for Haiti, an organization run by UNL students to fundraise for the destroyed Caribbean country.

“At first it was just this fun little underground thing that we did in our spare time. Just a few friends and me, you know? We were really about to maybe do stuff, too,” said Plateau, “Until the goddamn mainstream media picked up on it. Now it’s all corporate shit with telethons for Haiti. What the hell is that about?”

In late February, Hipsters for Haiti officially disbanded and their Twitter account was deleted, leaving their 135 followers behind.

“135 followers? So subjective, so ironic,” Sherman sighed, adjusting his jeggings.

Sherman hasn’t thrown in the charity towel yet, though.

“We started this thing. Project Pretentious for Pakistan. It’s ok, you’ve probably never even heard of it. It’s pretty postmodern shit.”