Steve Johnson, I Really Dropped The Ball On This One

Story by Emily Wilson 

| Published Dec 7, 2010

Steve, before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. I appointed you as a seventh round draft pick. I know that you’re as devoted a follower as you are a wide receiver and I’d like to tell you that your loss to the Steelers was a test of your faith, but this time it was my bad.

Last Sunday I was hoping to end My day of rest by kicking back and using My righteous hand to guide My beloved Buffalo Bills to victory. But all of the sudden I hear this yelling and weeping and everyone on My staff starts nagging Me about this stupid lightening bolt in South Africa that set a bunch of school kids preforming a Christmas pageant on fire. I swear I only turned My back for one second to see if I could answer a few prayers and BAM! I turn back in time to see you sitting in the end zone forsaken by your God. I felt so awful, but it was nothing compared to the guilt I experienced when I saw your tweet after the game, "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

I have a lot of things on My plate, what with the flooding and the earthquakes and I still need to finish “The Lovely Bones” for My book club with Glen Beck and Bill O’Reilly, but your career and My Fantasy Football League are on the top of the to-do list. I’ve given you a devoted wife and some adorable kids but clearly I need to go above and beyond for My biggest fan.

I always say, just relax, trust in Me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. And that’s exactly what you do Stevie, you never lean on your own understanding of anything. You chalk up every success and failure in your life as divine intervention. I dig that. I also dig your frequent shout-outs to Me via twitter, “Jus Goes To Sho God Is Good N Real! Keep Faith Thru Good N Bad,” or, “I was talking and Thanking HIM before and after EVERY play!!!!” And “I'm Hella Tired Like A 18 Wheeler!!!” (Strictly speaking that last one may not have been directed at me).

So I’m going to tell you what I told My boy Paul. Chill, don’t be afraid; keep on speaking, don’t be silent. I feel like I can count on you to not be silent ever. Keep the faith Stevie, you can trust in Me and I’ll never drop the ball like this again.... um, so to speak.