Sorority Report: Zero Hotties Found At Homeless Shelter | By Mackenzie

Story by Greg Bright 

| Published Oct 11, 2011

Hey bitches, it’s Mackenzie, back with another edition of Sorority Report--helping all you sorority gals find out what’s hot, what’s not, and where to find all those sexy boys on a Friday night.
First stop on our list was the homeless shelter on the corner of 15th and some-other-street. And let me tell you, it was a straight up No-Hottie Zone. Not only was the place grimy and dirty (I don’t think I’ll ever wear the shoes I wore in there again! LMAO!), it was full of some of the ugliest guys I’ve ever seen.

All my stupid professors keep telling me that anybody can be poor and that we need to help these people, but let me tell you something: it seems to me that only ugly men get poor. So maybe all these ugly men just need some plastic surgery or something? I mean, my mom was almost going to be poor when my dad divorced her but then she got a breast implants and now she’s married to a guy with twice as much money as my dad.

It’s got to work in reverse right? There’s gotta be some sort of plastic surgery that, you know, takes your whole face away and gives you a new, hotter one. How much could that possibly cost? When I accidentally tossed my cell phone into the lake last spring break (Spring Break 2011 was the shit, am I right, Lauren? Becky?!), all I had to do flirt with my new stepdad and I got whatever phone I wanted.

So basically, gals, what I’ve learned is that only ugly people are poor. So if you’re thinking about dating some guy that totally isn’t in the same league as you look-wise because he’s funny or smart or whatever: don’t. He’ll probably wind up in a grimy, disgusting homeless shelter.
And all you ugly men in that homeless shelter, just flirt a little with your rich stepmom and get some plastic surgery. It’s not that hard.

Until next time, stay sexy ladies!

Except you, Allison, you worthless slut.