Sorority Girl Insists On Chasing Herpes Shot

Story by Dylan Bliss 

| Published Apr 28, 2010

Melanie Tratner likes to throw them back. Every Thursday through Saturday she can be found waltzing down 16th Street headed to the next big throw-down with her “sisters", purses stuffed with plastic jugs of alcohol.

When asked why Tratner doesn’t choose to drink beer she replied, “Beer is fucking gross. You can’t chase beer.”

When one gets trashed on hard liquor as often as Melanie does, one is forced to settle for the more budget-friendly bottles. However harsh the taste may be, a good chaser will clear it up and Tratner never pounds a shot without her favorite juicy friend: a bottle of Ocean Spray Diet Cran-Apple.

“It makes alcohol easier to drink,” Tratner said.

Dr. Scott Hedburg, physician at UNL’s medical center, met Tratner in September when she got her stomach pumped for the first time. Upon Tratner’s latest hospital visit, Hedburg noticed an unsightly outbreak of herpes.

“This was due to the fact that she arrived with no clothes on,” Hedburg explained.

When Tratner arrived for her scheduled herpes vaccination, she seemed very confused as to why she was “taking a shot” in the medical center. An argument began with Hedburg when she insisted on swigging her cran-apple juice before and after the needle was inserted.

“Her behavior reminded me of my old days as a pediatrician. However, none of my former child patients ever accused me of ‘acting like a total d-bag’ during the administration of a shot,” Hedburg said.