Single Guy Totally Gets Your Relationship Problems

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Nov 17, 2009

Eric Jessen totally gets your relationship problems.

Not only does he understand your problems, but he could probably deal with them better himself.

“I try and tell all of my bros that if they ever need advice with any of their problems I would totally be down to help them.” Said UNL Junior Biology major Eric Jessen. “I’ve just always been good at telling people what’s best for them. It’s a curse, really.”

Though Jessen has been single the majority of his life, with what he calls “a few girls” that he’s kind of been close too sometimes.

But he is certainly competent enough to ask you intimate questions that may or may not be vague attempts at figuring out what you look like naked.

“It’s just easier to give advice when I know EVERYTHING, you know?” Said a defensive Jessen. “It’s not like I WANT to know what you and your girlfriend do in the privacy of the bus station, it just helps.”

Despite his open willingness to help all his bros, he still at times feels left out in the dark.

“For some reason my bros haven’t been asking me for advice all that often.” Said Jessen. “I mean, I’m in a frat, I totally relate to these guys. I think maybe I’m not pestering them enough.”

Despite his somewhat pathetic pleas for undeserved recognition, and what can only be labeled as an enigmatic ego, Jessen still plans on remaining single.

“What good would I be if I had a girl taking up all my time?” Asked Jessen. “It’s not like my friends know anyone else as approachable, and self-aware as me.”

As luck may have it, it appears that one of UNL’s gems will be sticking around to help out his “bros” a bit longer.

“Things may be weird at times, but I’m just one of those guys who ‘gets it.’” Said Jessen. “I’m purposely not taking enough credit hours to graduate in 4 years, I want everyone to know that I’m going to be here, because, dude, I totally know what you’re talking about.”