Russ Feingold Get Congress' Dog In Bitter Divorce

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Nov 9, 2010

Even in childless marriages, divorce always leaves someone behind.

For nearly 20 years, the union between U.S. Senator Russ Feingold and his wife, the United States Congress, seemed perfect. The three-term senator from Wisconsin and his wife traveled the country together, bringing joyous civil liberties to all who asked, and several who didn’t.

Their romance was brought to an abrupt end on Tuesday, Nov. 2. Stories from both parties differ: Feingold alleges he discovered Congress in bed with Rahm Emmanual. Congress swears she had deep suspicions over the alleged “work” relationship of Feingold and Arizona senator John McCain. Whatever the reason, their union was over. Bitter and acrimonious, both parties thought they would have a clean break.

But no one remembered the dog.

Their faithful golden retriever, Rover, purchased by the newlyweds shortly following their honeymoon, was adored by both Congress and Feingold since the day they first took him home.

Following a bitter legal battle, Feingold has won custody of the dog. The emotional former senator spoke to reporters shortly following the decision.

“Justice, in all its forms, has been served,” Fiengold said. “Yes, I would have loved to stay with Congress, but she clearly no longer wanted me. I’m just glad she can no longer neglect my puppy. Rover, you’re coming home.”

Congress, noticeably more happy since Feingold’s departure, issued a brief statement.

“For better or worse, it’s all over. Rover will be missed, and Russ won’t. I’ll always remember Rover helping to draft the Iraq War Resolution that Russ voted against. I should’ve known that he never loved Rover the way I do.”