Revised Edition Of “Roots” Contains Twelve Words

Story by Mitch McCann 

| Published Mar 1, 2011

Controversy over the removal of “the n-word” from novels like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn has lead to much debate over the integrity of literature, and whether the editing of its content is justified simply due to the derogatory nature of the word.

Library of Congress curator Chuck Tritter told CNN that the re-release of Alex Haley’s classic Roots: The Sage of An American Family will only make the debate worse.

“These largely Caucasian committees have taken political correctness to its limits to ensure no one’s feelings are hurt by the filthy language,” said Tritter. “And rightly so.”

Tom Wilkins, chair of the Committee for the Protection of Upper-Middle Class Children, takes a different view.

“The novel Roots, once a staggering read of a hefty 700 pages, has now been abridged and edited to suit modern audiences. It is pared down to a completely safe and utterly non-contentious twelve words,” said Wilkins. “CPUMCC is rather proud of our efforts. We believe we have retained much of Haley’s intended vision, yet still allowed the book to be read by the impressionable children in our nation’s finer institutions.”

Committee members have leaked some of CPUMCC’s future endeavors, including the editing of George Carlin and Richard Pryor sound bites in order to meet Library of Congress submission standards. They are also reportedly planning to tackle an entire enclave of 1980’s pornography.

“We understand that we may have our work cut out for us, but it is important to the committee that children with the appropriate amount of resources are not denied access to some of the greatest artists of this, or any time - so long as there’s no naughty bits, of course.”