Report: Denver's Offensive Playbook A Copy Of The Holy Bible

Story by Greg Bright 

| Published Nov 29, 2011

Several anonymous sources confirmed earlier this week that the Denver Broncos’ offensive playbook is in fact a copy of the Holy Bible. It is believed to be a copy of both the old testament and new testament, and not one of those little new testament Bibles that only have the Psalms and Proverbs from the old testament in it.

“It’s the whole Bible they got in there. I know that’s why Kyle Orton couldn’t cut it as a starter. He only knew about 10 percent of the old testament portion of the Bible,” one source said. “It really limited the number of plays they could run. They weren’t able to run any plays from Leviticus, because he didn’t even know that was part of the Bible.”

Many sources agreed that the only reason they have kept Tim Tebow on the field is that he’s had prior work with the Bible and knows it better than anyone else on the roster.

“They know Tebow isn’t really talented enough to start, but he’s the only Quarterback on the roster that knows the bible backwards and forwards. So, until they get a new playbook,” another source said, “they’re pretty much stuck with him.”

When asked why they keep winning, sources were mixed. But they did agree that last week’s win against the Jets was do to the use of the Qu’ran as Rex Ryan’s defensive playbook.

“When you stack them up head-to-head, the bible is always going to win out,” a source said.

“At least in America.”