Rachel Maddow Edges Out Anderson Cooper For Sexiest Man In Journalism

Story by John Rincon 

| Published Jan 26, 2010

In the closest race yet, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow defeated CNN’s Anderson Cooper for Journalism’s Sexiest Man Award by the hair of his chinny chin chin. Cooper, renowned for his silver hair and ocean-blue eyes, was overwhelmed by Maddow’s boyish good looks and boy band haircut.

“I’m happy for him. He deserves it,” said Cooper. “The ladies love Mad Dog. I mean, ladies that grow more facial hair than Wolf Blitzer and can bench press more than I can – but ladies nonetheless.” Blitzer missed the top three with Glenn Beck coming in at distant third.

“Surprised?" pondered Maddow. "No, I wouldn’t say I’m surprised. With my manly jaw line and perfectly perpetual 5 o’clock shadow, who would be? You want to arm wrestle? Push-up contest? Come on bitch.”

Although adamant to prove his masculinity, Maddow was interrupted for his hourly beard shaving.

“One time in a fit of testosterone rage, I smashed all of my razors with one fist pound. Sweet right? Well after about three hours, the beard was so thick I could barely find my mouth. I couldn't eat for a week.”

Much controversy has surrounded this year’s award as much of the public is convinced that Maddow is in fact a woman that just “totally looks like a dude.” Sources close to Maddow confirm that he is in fact, a he.

“Trust me,” laughed fellow MSNBC newscaster, Keith Olbermann. “The piece that guy’s packing could fill a half hour of news by itself. During my annual pool party back in ’04 it accidentally rolled out of his swimsuit into the deep end of the pool, and it caused the tsunami in Sri Lanka. Yeah.”