Poll Shows Addition Of "N" To Party Name Fails To Inspire Votes

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Feb 23, 2010

In contrast to the conventional wisdom used by nearly every ASUN party, the addition of "N" to their name in some fashion does nothing to increase votes, a new poll found Sunday.

Since the establishment of the Association of Students of the University of Nebraska, almost 90% of political parties running for ASUN office have incorporated "N" in their name. This year is no exception, as the parties are FusioN, N-Vision, and ReNew.

N-Vision candidate Justin Soloman dismissed the results of the poll.

"Adding the 'N' to our party's name ensure that students know where we're from and who we stand for: the University of Nebraska," Soloman said. "Without it, how would the populace know who we are?"

Opponent FusioN party candidate Reid DeSpiegeleerie agreed with his rival.

"Who was this poll done by? The Nebraska Thinker? I can assure you that highlighting the 'N' in our party name ensure we will get the most votes," DeSpiegelaere said, throwing darts at a posted picture of Soloman's face," said DeSpigaguilera

To ReNew party candidate Cori Curtis, however, the results of the poll weren't any surprise.

"We knew coming into this that the 'N' was a load of crap," said Curtis. "But it's in the ASUN bylaws, and I quote, 'All parties running to fulfill ASUN offices must incorporate 'N' into their party name. This will ensure that the student body will remain under the delusion that we are working for their benefit.' Clearly, our hands are tied."

Reaction from the student body to the news was generally subdued. Senior political science major Joseph Boyle perhaps summarized the reaction best. After pausing for moment, he cocked his brow thoughtfully before asking,

"What the fuck is ASUN?"