Non-Voters Outcry: ‘See What You Did To Us?’

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Nov 9, 2010

Despite a strong ‘anti-incumbent’ sentiment throughout America, the midterm election cycle saw a reliably low voter turnout of 42%. Many pundits point the blame at the youth, who failed to show up yet again.

“The voters really ‘screwed the pooch’ on this one,” said esteemed non-voter, Kendrick Tobias. “If they hadn’t gone out and voted, then our nation wouldn’t be poised for the biggest clusterfuck of a congress in the past 50 years.”

Inordinate amounts of blame have been placed equally from the stoners who couldn’t manage to ‘legalize it’ out in California, to the east coast elitists who forgot to vote in locally famed witch, and senate hopeful, Christine O’Donnel.

But one place throughout the country that deserves none of the blame for voting is college campuses.

“People like to try and blame college campuses for aiding in the turmoil that is congress,” said UNL Political Science Professor, Michael Wagner. “But what people seem to forget is that college students are the only ones who generally understand that voting is super lame.

“If people just spent some time thinking about it, they would likely draw the same conclusion. Like, what if it’s raining? Who the fuck wants to vote in the rain? Losers, that’s who.”

The results of election night left few surprised, but its lasting message will remain much longer than any of the new members of congress.

“I was smoking a couple bong bowls with my roommate last night, watching election night coverage on CNN,” said Tucker Holland, UNL Sophomore Political Science major. “When I suddenly realized that it was election day! I ran to the polls at 10:30 (PM) only to realize the damn things were closed.

“If they want young people to vote why would they close the polls so early? D’Leons has things right, open 24 hours a day. Shit! Why can’t they turn D’Leons into a voting booth”