Nervous 'Siri' Reluctant To Enter Bathroom Stall With Student

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| Published Nov 8, 2011

By Faiz Siddiqui

A UNL student was startled Wednesday when his smartphone refused to accompany him in to a Selleck Quadrangle bathroom stall.

The freshman business major, who asked to remain nameless citing "embarrassment and shame, among other things," said he was "preparing to take care of business" when his iPhone 4S told him it would prefer if it could wait outside. New to the iPhone 4S Personal Assistant, dubbed "Siri," the student was shocked to find that his phone was capable of such emotive declarations.

"[Name omitted], I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this with you just yet," Siri said. "I know you used to do this with your Droid all the time, but I'm just not that kinda' girl."

Siri was, of course, referring to the common university phenomenon of in-stall web browsing. Upon realization of the student's intentions, Siri began sweating and palpitating rapidly, with the iPhone's screen flickering uncontrollably as a result. Previous models of the phone weren't subject to the issue, devoid of the popular woman-trapped-inside-the-casing feature.

Livid at the discovery that he couldn't engage in the recently-adopted pastime of college males everywhere, the student proceeded to list his phone on Craiglist, under the "personals" category with the tag 'strictly platonic.'

He says he's confident his Siri-equipped iPhone will sell, and that he plans to opt for "another Droid, a Windows Phone, a Nokia... by God, anything but that" in the future.