Meeting Of OxiClean Guy And ShamWow Guy Results In Extremely Clean, Dry Battle

Story by Logan Thompson 

| Published Nov 25, 2008

While attending the infomercial industry’s largest conference last weekend, the OxiClean guy and the ShamWow guy found themselves in the same room at the same time.

The encounter resulted in immaculately clean, dry carnage, sources reported Monday.

The national symposium, which took place at the America’s Center Convention Complex in St. Louis, Mo., was almost ruined by the scuffle.

By the end of the day on Saturday, the OxiClean guy had been forced to yell “Wow!” at least three times, and the ShamWow guy had the frosted tips washed right out of his hair.

Peter Davis, president of the American Infomercial Association, said the AIA takes precautions to ensure that no other obnoxious cleaning supply peddlers have booths set up on the same day as the OxiClean guy.

“[The ShamWow guy] is new to the game,” said Davis. “He didn’t take the OxiClean-guy email seriously, I guess.”

Davis witnessed the two infomercial stars lock eyes from across the room. “OxiClean guy’s beard hairs stood on end. It was a tense moment for everybody.”

Other witnesses said the ShamWow guy did not understand the warning, but continued to walk toward the OxiClean guy, awkwardly grinning and waving.

“Jesus Christ, mon,” said self-proclaimed psychic Miss Cleo. “That’s just somethin’ ya doan’t do. Was he tryin’ ta get himself keeled?”

The ShamWow guy was still about 200 feet away from the OxiClean booth when the OxiClean guy started screaming “Billy Mays here for OxiClean! BILLY MAYS! BILLY MAYYYYYYYYS,” America’s Personal Trainer Tony Little told reporters at a press conference.

Little said the next thing he remembered was the OxiClean guy dive-tackling the “scrawny towel kid” in a cloud of OxiClean powder. The ShamWow guy’s headset flew off immediately.

“The kid didn’t have a chance,” Little said. “He got in a couple good wipes with that towel thing, but the OxiClean guy is like a really fit, muscular grizzly bear. And he has the kind of thick beard you could let your fingers get lost in.”

At the same press conference, former heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman said, “It knocks out the fat! Tell ‘em the king of the grill sent you!”

Foreman eventually commented on the day’s scuffle, calling it “an egg salad sandwich”. He was promptly guided away from the podium.

Doctors at St. John’s Mercy Children’s Hospital found about two pounds of OxiClean powder embedded in the ShamWow