Marine Corps Beats Peace Corps In Annual Softball Game

Story by Ben Plowman 

| Published Oct 14, 2008

In a rivalry stretching back to the founding of the Peace Corps in 1961, the annual Peace Corps vs. Marine Corps softball game was held again this past weekend at a community baseball field in Peoria, Ill. with the perennially dominant Marines squeezing out a 113-4 victory, a spokesman for the Marines reported.

The Peace Corps managed to get out to an early lead in the first inning, up 3-1, before designated hitter Lance Corporal Roger Matthew was thrown out at first in a much contested call. A Marines spokesman told reporters that the Marines had no choice but to usurp the role of the umpires in order to protect the security of the baseball game from the threat of what had become a rogue regime. This follows an act earlier this month to displace a group of little league players from a nearby field in order to perform practice missions such as bunting and fielding ground balls.

“We overthrew the umpires with great reluctance, only after [Matthew’s] safety on first base came into jeopardy,” the spokesman said. “In the heat of softball, you cannot second guess. You must allow the commanders on the ground to do their job,” he added

Meanwhile, Skyler Harrison, captain of the Peace Corps team, condemned the takeover of what she called “a sovereign softball governing body” as “hasty, criminal, and totally unfair.” She further vowed that some members of her team would be teaching umpires basic English and math skills, as well as sustainable agriculture practices in order to improve their opinion of softball players as a whole.

After the umpires were replaced with a set of interim umpires, which were hand selected for their favor toward the Marine Corps, the Peace Corps had a hard time earning any additional runs or having any calls go in their favor. The one exception was a home run in the fourth by Jasper Nightingale, who was forced to hold down his dreadlocks as he made his way around the bases.

Paige Meyers, 33, who is the mother of one of the displaced little leaguers, spoke out against this brazen act of aggression by saying “I support the troops and all, but sometimes I wonder if invading this baseball field was the right thing to do.”

These complaints come on top of a long line of problems between the two teams, many of which have been centered on feelings of unfairness. One key point of opposition to the Marine Corps team is their considerably larger budget, about 48 times larger than the Peace Corps for the fiscal year 2008. In addition to being able to pay their players a living salary, Marine Corps players are able to order custom-built equipment from companies such as Lockheed-Martin. Often times these companies offer some of the most advanced bats and cleats in the entire sport.

As a result, the Peace Corps has a much harder time recruiting players, and on the field they tend to be too spread out to really be effective.

In celebration of its victory, the Marine Corps took its whole team out for ice cream, which they bought from Halliburton for $28 a cone.