Man Successfully Urinates Out Of Moving Vehicle

Story by Meagan Jungman 

| Published Feb 9, 2010

At exactly 12:34 a.m. on Saturday, Feb. 6, 2010, the impossible was rendered possible when James Nordston, 22, defying both the laws of physics and the Lincoln Metro Police Department, successfully urinated out of the driver side window of his 2004 Ford Taurus.

Eyewitnesses described an overall foreboding sense of apprehensive dread, when many watched Nordston begin to jostle with his seatbelt at the intersection of 11th and O.

“At first my children and I thought it was kind of funny because his seatbelt was jammed and he couldn’t unfasten the button, so he just frantically squirmed around for a minute or two,” Lincoln native, Jillian Raabe, recounted. Having been in the lane adjacent to Nordston, Raabe and her children bore witness to the entirety of the astounding scene. “But then he finally figured it out, and when he turned and looked at me, I knew. Don’t ask me how, but I knew what he was going to do.”

According to Raabe, Nordston then proceeded to accelerate while simultaneously rolling down his window. She then assumes that he initiated the autopilot, as Nordston was able to give her a cheery wave, unfasten his pants, and expose himself to both she and her children, all without having to worry about maintaining the speed limit.

“As I was telling Sophie to stop crying and Gerald to stop looking, I remember thinking to myself, ‘Why God, why is he doing this to us?’”

And then, claims Raabe, Nordston began to relieve himself without spilling a drop on either his vehicle or himself.

“It gets a little hazy after that,” the mother of two admitted. “I just couldn’t understand how or why. By all accounts, his car should’ve been covered in his own bodily fluids, and yet here he was, quite literally pissing in the wind. It was amazing.”

Indeed, such a display of urinary finesse has not been witnessed in Lincoln since the winter of 1998, when senior Elliott Frank defiantly relieved his bladder in the UNL fountain from an impressive 14 feet away, in protest of the Clinton impeachment trials.

When asked if she intends to press charges, Raabe vehemently claimed that she harbored Nordston no ill-will. “Why on earth would I punish someone for performing a miracle of the natural world? I’m not even mad anymore, I swear. I just want to know how—how did he do it?”