Man Learns He Has The Spirit Of A Wolf

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| Published Nov 23, 2010

Twenty-year-old student Henry Banks looks like an ordinary man. All his life he thought he was one. But beneath his unassuming exterior, he has a wild side — the spirit of a wolf.

Banks discovered this last Saturday, when he took a quiz on Facebook that promised to “Find Your Spirit Animal.” By answering questions such as, “hat is your favorite color,” “what is your favorite time of day,” and “what song most represents you,” Henry released the wolf within.

“A wolf,” said a visibly excited Henry. “How cool is that? Grrr!” He bared his teeth. “Ha ha!”

Banks’s friends also took the quiz, receiving results like the bear and the falcon. But they all agreed among themselves that Banks’s spirit was the coolest.

“I mean, Henry,” said one. “Who would have thought?”

Since discovering his spirit animal, Banks’s life has changed for the better. He has found new courage to deal with his problems. “Whenever I feel frustrated or stuck now, I just think to myself, what would my spirit animal do? The answer is usually to tear somebody’s throat out, which, you know, I don’t do, but it helps.”

Banks says that if he listens hard enough, he can actually hear the wolf whispering advice in his ear. “Mostly it’s just snarling and howling, but again, it’s nice to have him there.”

Banks’s long-time crush, Sonya Rutherford, finally agreed to go out with him. “All these years, I just thought he was a lame, kind of creepy guy,” said Rutherford, who has the spirit of an osprey. “I had no idea I could have been dating a wolf.”

“Sonya finally decided to go out with me,” said Henry. “All these years I’ve been following her home and hiding outside her house at night, well, it turns out that’s not actually terrifying and sociopathic. It’s just my latent instincts for nocturnal hunting coming out.”

Henry has filled his apartment with wolf paraphernalia, including six T-shirts and a three-by-three poster of a wolf howling at the moon. He plans to buy a wolf-dog for companionship.

“I’d prefer a real wolf, of course, but, you know. Illegal.”