Lord GaGa To Divorce Wife

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Mar 9, 2010

The entertainment industry was shocked yesterday when one of America’s most polarizing celebrity marriages finally came to an end.

“To be painfully honest with you, my wife is a whore,” said Lord GaGa in a statement to the Associated Press. “She drinks all the time, flirts with every guy or girl she meets and speaks exclusively in auto-tune.”

Lady GaGa was quick in retaliating with an issued statement of her own, “I hate the way he treated me. Every day, all I wanted to do was pa pa pa poke his face, pa pa pa poke his face.”

Reaction to the divorce has been widespread, seemingly occupying every single conversation among anyone who owns a radio.

“I had no idea she was married,” said Michael Dunn, a freshman at UNL. “I guess it really doesn’t change my opinion of her. She’s been really progressive in encouraging teenage girls to have casual sex and sing obnoxiously loud at parties.”

Though it is believed the partnership was doomed from the start, many onlookers are trying to salvage a teachable moment that can be had from all of this.

“Most marriages can be classified as a lovegame,” said Ernest Wayside, orthopedic surgeon from the Mayo Clinic. “But not all of them can be classified as a bad romance.”