Local Dad Got Another Fucking Tie This Year

Story by John Rincon 

| Published Dec 15, 2009

Celebrating the Christmas tradition untraditionally, the Clemens family decided to open its presents early this year.

The two Clemens boys, Jake, 11, and Gregory, 15, were overjoyed after they unwrapped their brand new Wii.

Theresa, the mother, clutched at her chest as she fought back tears, gazing at her new diamond necklace, compliments of her husband, Marcus.

Marcus clutched at his chest, thinking he was having a heart attack after finding the only present his family got him for the eighth consecutive year was a new tie.

Sources close to Marcus claim that he has always loved his new ties.

“Goddamn it! Another tie! When do I ever wear ties?! Never! That’s when. This looks like the one I got last year! Is this the kind I got last year?” asked Marcus as he looked frantically around the room. He then rushed upstairs to his closet to confirm.

“You gave me two identical ties TWO YEARS IN A ROW!” Marcus screamed down the stairwell.

“What the fuck?! I gave you a diamond necklace; you give me a tie. I buy you a Wii; you little shits give me a tie. What is this? A conspiracy? I’m just going to tie these ties together and hang myself! Is that what you want?!”

As Marcus’ children began to cry, he only became more upset. “Here. Dry your eyes. Oh, no! Where are the tissues? No matter. Use my tie! I have two of this one!”

Marcus then snatched the necklace and the Wii out of his family members' hands before running out of the door.

“I’m going to sell these and buy all that booze you never let me drink, bitch. Merry Christmas! Have a tie!”