Large Grey Yeti Appears To Eat Olympic Skiers Halfway Through Course

Story by Jacob Zlomke 

| Published Feb 23, 2010

In a shocking turn of events during the 2010 Winter Olympics, the Alpine ski race events, men’s and women’s, were continually interrupted by what spectator John Lavine described as a “large, grey yeti with cartoony, pixilated features.”

According to Levine, about halfway through each race, the yeti figure would appear from behind a tree much smaller than it to eat the racer in first place.

“We’ve seen some of the world’s best skiers gobbled up for no apparent reason,” said Olympic committee spokeswoman Suzanne Brainard. “Greats like Lindsey Vonn, gone without a trace.”

Bode Miller, America’s great hope in male skiing events, was one that fell victim to the yeti.

His father, Woody Miller spoke at a press conference last Thursday.
“It was heartbreaking for all of those that were close to Bode to see that deplorable, almost animated monster, jump out with his sharp, jagged teeth and just maul my son.”
Brainard said that no matter how hard each skier tried to get around it, even when they knew it was coming and from which tree it would appear, they could not avoid the pixilated yeti. The yeti appears to be intelligent, according to Brainard. She said hunts for the yeti have proved fruitless thus far—the yeti has apparently succeeded in leaving no trace of itself or the eaten skiers, disappearing almost immediately after each individual skier is devoured.
Much outcry has been heard from athletes, fans, and government officials alike. Canada’s Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, asked that the events be moved to another mountain or at least another course on the mountain.
In response to Harper’s wishes, Brainard noted that the Olympic committee specifically states courses must be used as they are.

“The yeti is part of the course and unless we can coerce it off naturally, then it’s something that the skiers must deal with,” Brainard said. “Maybe they should try going clear to the left, or clear to the right of the course.”

Didier Defago, skier from Switzerland, said the appearance of the yeti has changed the dynamic of the downhill skiing races.

“It’s no longer 'go as fast as you can as soon as you can,'” Defago said. “Every skier is trying their best not to be in first until 2001 meters down the hill where the yeti will invariably eat the first place skier.”

The carnage will likely continue until the yeti leaves, starves or the games end. Experts say the latter is the most likely, as one human per race is enough food for any decent sized pixilated grey yeti.