Lackluster Men's Basketball Team Forces Sports Fan To Admit Women's Team Is "pretty Okay, I Guess"

Story by Egon Sinclair 

| Published Mar 29, 2010

As the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's men's basketball team continues to blunder about the court, longtime fan Jonathan Thrope finds himself mired in an existential crisis regarding the sport. Although he's held women's basketball in low regard for no other reason than the fact he has a penis, the Lady Huskers' 29-0 streak — the first perfect regular season in Big 12 history — has forced the junior chemistry major to admit the team is "pretty okay, I guess."

"I don't know if they could hold their own against the men's team, but they're pretty good," Thrope said, staring pensively at a men's basketball program, rubbing his sweaty thumb across the glossy finish until the ink began to smear. "I wouldn't ever go see them play, but I can respect their talent."

When questioned further, Thrope adamantly refused to attend a women's basketball game, refusing to be swayed by the revelation that UNL students get in free with their NCard, or that the spectators of the women's sport have a chance to witness actual basketball being played, as opposed to a bunch of tall kids chucking a ball into the air and praying.

"Maybe I'd reconsider if the women's basketball team had another perfect season," Thrope concluded. "They've got to prove this one wasn't just a fluke."