Kids Lose Quiet Game

Story by Ben Plowman 

| Published Dec 1, 2009

Another quiet game ended in defeat for the kids late Saturday afternoon when Alex, age 9, made the mistake of saying, “Mom how many days until Christmas and do I have to eat roast beef at grandma’s house even though I hate it?” early in a match against the parents. Afterward, there was nothing the kids could do to escape instant defeat.

The game was tied 0-0 well into the second minute of play when Alex caused an effective forfeit, eliciting calls of “thanks for nothing” and “Jeeeeez” from his older brother. The loss during the impromptu game marks the seventeenth consecutive victory for the parents, who remain undefeated.

As a result of this quiet game victory, both parents will advance to the quiet championships held later this week after the kids have both gone to bed. In the championships, the parents must attempt to quickly and silently make love. The loser is the first person to wake and thus forever traumatize one or both of their young children.