John Boehner Leads Congressional White Caucus In Fight Against 'Racist' Tanning Salon Tax

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Mar 30, 2010

In the aftermath of the historic passage of landmark health care reform legislation, House Minority Leader John Boehner has been vocal about his reservations.


“This health care bill is undeniably racist,” said Boehner. “Not only does it put a 10 percent tax on tanning salons, but it infringes on middle class white people’s right to look like traffic cones.”

The tax on tanning salons is only a minuscule part of the health care reform bill that will extend health coverage to nearly 32 million Americans, but it has been rumored that the unanimous opposition to the bill from the Republican Party stems from the tanning salon tax’s insertion into the bill.

“I guess it makes sense,” said Jesse Titus, a freshman at UNL. “I always noticed that Boehner was obscenely tan. It's totally legit to block the end of pre-existing conditions to help suburban white girls maintain their glow.”

The health care debate lasted for over a year, during which time Boehner lead the Republican charge in vehemently opposing any proposition that could help reform the health care industry. When asked about his motive for the unbending opposition, Boehner said he "would rather die than see a penny [he] spend[s] to maintain [his] devilish good looks go to the government".

“If he hadn’t so adamantly refused to cooperate over the tanning salon tax, the Democrats would have lost the opportunity to single-handedly reform the health insurance industry,” said House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “I’m just happy we never even had the opportunity to come together and create a bipartisan group.”

Though reactions to the passage of major health care reform have been mixed, it is certainly well known how Boehner feels about the whole ordeal.

“How do you expect fathers across America to look at their child and say ‘no, I can’t afford to help you get tan and beautiful'?” scoffed Boehner. “It’s more un-American than filling out your census form, being born in Kenya and reading combined.”