‘Joe The Plumber’ Cut During Auditions For Village People

Story by Will Sharpe 

| Published Oct 28, 2008

Joe Wurzelbacher admits to having spent some quality minutes of his 9 to 5 over the past several years daydreaming of one day transcending his job title, of breathing in the cheers of a raucous crowd alongside a slew of performers dressed borderline homo-erotically who, together, would help Joe redefine the post-progressive-gay Indian-disco-core scene. 

But after being cut in the final round of auditions for a Toledo, Ohio Village People cover band this past Saturday, Wurzelbacher was forced to acknowledge that, sadly, his daydreams would remain mere daydreams.

Wurzelbacher received national publicity following an encounter in his Toledo neighborhood with Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Barack Obama, who was campaigning in the area. 

During their encounter, Wurzelbacher was critical of Obama’s plan to raise taxes for small businesses. 

Soon after, Republican party nominee, John McCain, would allude to “Joe the Plumber” countless times in attacking Obama’s tax plan throughout the third and final presidential debate. 

Wurzelbacher was hopeful that his recent exposure to the mainstream media would impress the contest’s judges before he even took the stage or had a chance to wink at them.
 
“Joe looked pretty good up there,” said Warren Rodgers, a Toledo native who auditioned to be the Village People Indian. “He totally nailed the ‘Macho Man’ routine and his timing was solid.  I’m just not sure if he’s got the charisma or the buldge to hold the attention of your average Village People cover band fanatic through an entire set.”

Celebrity guest judge Victor Willis, the original Village People cop, wasn’t too blown away by Joe the Plumber’s audition.

“I’m pretty sure there wasn’t even a plumber in the Village People’s original line-up,” said Willis.  “I mean, people go to a Village People concert looking to see the quintessential personas of homosexual fantasy and a dirty, stout plumber just throws off the whole dynamic. And Joe really could have been a bit less conservative. Show a little cock or something, you know?”

Wurzelbacher vowed to torch his Village People LPs upon arriving home.

“It’s just been devastating,” he said. “To not be able to start my own business because of outrageous taxation is one thing, but having to come to grips with the fact that I’ll never be up there on that stage with the gay cop, the gay military man, the gay sailor (gailor?), the gay Indian, the gay construction worker, the gay biker, and the gay cowboy is something that, I think, is pretty fucking gay.”

Just what the future holds for Joe the Plumber looms large. 

According to the Ohio Plumber’s Union, Joe doesn’t actually hold a genuine plumber’s license. 

If he did, and then decided to buy a plumbing company, he could actually be eligible for a tax break under Senator Obama’s plan. 

“Sounds like a bunch of poppy-cock to me,” he said. “Vote Republican!”