Joe Biden Caught Texting Again During State Of Union Address

Story by Kelsey Richard 

| Published Feb 1, 2011

Vice President Joe Biden has received his third and last warning from President Obama about using his phone again during a joint session of Congress.

“If Joe uses it one more time in Congress, he will have it taken away and won’t get it back until after my long, eloquent speech,” said the president.

Biden was first disciplined for texting during an advisory meeting for the 9/11 First Responders’ Health Care bill.

He was asked by President Obama, that, if it were so important, why not show it to the class?

It was discovered that Biden was texting John Boehner, asking if he’d like to ditch and go get 5 Guys- to which Boehner responded, “Free peanuts? I’m in! Fuck first responders.”

His second offense earned him a trip straight to the Oval Office, to explain why he had sent photographs of his penis to Nancy Pelosi. Barack Obama confiscated Biden’s cell phone and found the offending pictures in his outbox.

“In my defense, I was just texting my mom- I mean, my wife- when to pick me up from Congress that afternoon,” said the Vice President.

The new Whitehouse press secretary, Jay Carney, apologized to anyone offended by Joe’s use nuisance items during the State of the Union.

“They warned me about him when I got here. I let him out of my sight for one second.. urgh.”