Jobs Act To Support Creation Of 300-Foot Laser Cat

Story by Dan Stier 

| Published Sep 20, 2011

On September 8, President Barack Obama unveiled his plan to create jobs and get America’s work force back on its feet. The President said he has high hopes that the Republicans and Democrats can reach across the aisle and finally put the United States back on track. But questions are now being asked on both sides about one specific point in the President's proposal.

The article in question is on page three of the document in section 5b. The clause states that a 300-foot tall animatronic domestic feline would be created under the “back to work” program.
When asked about the need to create a gigantic robot house cat, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded simply that “it’s for defense. Duh.”

Carney continued, “Now, we do not want the American people to worry about Boots, so the cat will have lasers attached to its head.”

Project Cat Fight could have the potential to to create over 30,000 paying jobs, ranging from engineers to truck drivers to architectural drafters. The result would be, according the White House, an alternative to a border fence between Mexico and the U.S.

It is still unclear if any part of the President’s new bill will pass. It provides funds for several other controversial new projects, including “Water Fight,” a project to develop genetically perfect dolphins that are attached to sniper rifles. Another contentious project, “Bounce n’ Peace,” would direct that the world’s largest inflatable bounce house to be created and dedicated as a war memorial.

At a recent press conference, President Obama had a chance to defend “his baby,” as he called it.
“Hey, why wouldn’t we want a 300-foot cat? I mean, come on,” Obama added, “Listen, I have full faith that this bill will do its part in getting this nation back on track. I also trust a laser cat can bring much-needed morale to the nation as a whole. And Malia promised she’ll feed and play with it every day.”