Interview With GWAR

Story by Jacob Fricke 

| Published Nov 17, 2009

DISCLAIMER: It goes without saying that the Dailyer Nebraskan does not condone any of the things discussed in this interview. However, we also don't want to spoil it for you. Rest assured, however, that we took Mr. Urungus' comments in jest. We can only hope they were made in that fashion.

Few things are as unsettling as a fetus. However, Oderus Urungus, lead singer of GWAR, seems to thrive on unsettling circumstances. Without a word, he ushered us into a dungeon filled with body parts, dead babies, and many other unspeakable things.

Urungus had consented to an interview, and though I was thrilled to do so, the prospect was admittedly a bit troubling. Given that he always carries a massive sword affectionately referred to as “Lick,” it was hard to know what kind of reception our two-person interview team would be getting.

In person, Urungus is as likeable as a 43 billion-year-old demon from outer space can be. It was hard to tell if his breath smelled of alcohol because he’d been drinking or if that’s just what his species smells like.

He and his band's stated purpose of world domination brought them to a sold out show at the Bourbon Theater on November 10. After moving over a fetus to sit down, Urungus notices our tape recorder.

“Of course. Simple human crayon scribbling simply won’t do,” he said, voice gravelly from possibly millions of years of smoking cheap cigarettes. I say a brief Hail Mary and the interview begins.

Dailyer Nebraskan: Where is GWAR from, and why are you here in Lincoln?

Oderus Urungus: Everyone knows obviously we’re from outer space. Big place. I am supposedly from the planet Scumdogia, but all I remember is just coming out of this big squishy thing — raped at birth — onto a penis in front of thousands of screaming midgets. I thought midgets were the normal size of creatures when I was born. After this event, which was my coming out party, I suppose, I was indoctrinated into the Scumdogs of the universe and immediately was let loose upon the galaxy in an intergalactic war of genocide.

We [the members of GWAR] all met each other in the Scumdogian army, which got us in all kinds of trouble, and after we were defeated by the deathpod we were loaded into the Intergalatic Butt Cannon, which shot us to the most insignificant mudball planet in the entire universe, Earth. There, we mated with the apes and created the human race. We were trying to create a super ape, but it just didn’t really work out. For that indignity, our master froze us in Antarctica for many millions of years.

Overuse of carbons and the greenhouse effect dethawed us about 25 years ago, and since then we’ve been on a mission to escape earth and destroy the human race, not necessarily in that order.

How I got here particularly is that we are on a tour to rally support with the humans to defend the planet from Cardinal Syn. Obviously, we escaped from earth, having gained a spaceship, the Scumdogian warship SS Cripplekiller, and when we returned to outerspace, we discovered that Cardinal Syn had conquered everything and turned outer space into a giant Branson-esque entertainment park. No crack. No strip clubs. No heavy metal. Nothing. So we’re back on Earth now to rally support with the humans to defend the planet against Cardinal Syn, stop his aggression and destroy him. If the humans and GWAR unite to destroy Cardinal Syn at this point, the galaxy will be wide open. With our spaceship, we can use Earth as a base of operation to reconquer the rest of the galaxy.

DerN: Is it true that GWAR is no longer allowed in Omaha?

OU: No. I mean, they might say that. Some politician from somewhere might say that, then run and hide in a cabin, I suppose. But it’s not true. The best thing they can do to keep us out of Omaha is to lie to us about where it is because we’ve never really been good with maps.

DerN: GWAR has been active for 25 years, which is a significant amount of time. Did you hit a snag with your world domination plot, or is everything going according to plan?

OU: Well, I’d like to say that every failure we’ve had has been part of some plan, you know. But that’s not true at all. We’ve continually tried to do things and failed miserably. It can be annoying, but it’s part of life, for every pro, there is a con. For instance, recently, we finally got the ship and got to leave Earth after all these millions of years. And now — to be right back here where we started from.

Probably the biggest reason I had to come back is there’s no crack cocaine in outer space, and, you know, I missed that. A lot! So I guess we’re not particularly proud of how things are going, but they are going. Continuance is a victory unto itself.

DerN: Even though you want to destroy the human race, you have a very devoted fan base. Why do think this is?

OU: Humans are in love with death. It’s obviously the highest law; it supersedes the Ten Commandments, obviously. Humans are entertained by it, and they make money off of it, and, let’s face it, they enjoy it. Basically we’re just fulfilling a consumer need.

DerN: What do your parents think of your behavior?

OU: Don’t know my parents. Father was a petri dish; my mother a supercomputer. It’s just … I heard he drank a lot … it’s not really something I want to talk about.

DerN: What are GWAR’s shows like?

OU: Well, if you survive, it will be the most intense hour and seven minutes of your life. It’s a very special show. It’s the 25th anniversary of our “re-awakening” on this planet. Not so long for GWAR but for the humans we understand this is very important.

We have whole GWAR families now coming down to the gigs. You know, Mom and Dad with the kids, Granny from the nursing home. They’re all there, cheering on GWAR, fighting cyborgs. It’s a special kind of thing now that the family is involved. For the holidays it couldn’t be better to see Granny with a battle axe, in the mosh pit, going crazy, getting passed over the crowd and being fingered madly. You know, now that Grandpa’s dead, Granny wants to get out of the house, and she probably wants to be fingered by a 17-year-old boy. So, please, bring your granny to the show to get fingered.

DerN: … wow. So one more question. What is your view of humanity? Why do you not like us?

OU: Well, it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just that I don’t love you. When I look at you, I see a child that I tried to make, but (I) failed. Something was wrong with my seed, I suppose. So when I see you, I see myself, and I hate it. It’s like having a retarded child. You can’t kill it, but you can’t really take it to the ball game either. It’s just going to get hot dogs all over its face. It’s embarrassing. So put it in a home.

In my world, you’d make it in a pie. You would eat a retarded child. Or you would make fun of it constantly. In outer space, retards are funny, and they know it, and they are famous. Most stand-up comedians in outer space are retarded. And crippled, physically crippled, as well. And that is why they are so funny. That is why they are stars.

But not on this planet. I just don’t get it. That’s why you must be destroyed. That’s the best way I can explain it. ­­­

DerN: I can think of few better ways to end an interview than that. Thank you for your time.