I'm Usually Against Abortion, But Becky Has No Business Being A Mother | By God

Story by Greg Bright 

| Published Oct 25, 2011

Sometimes you realize, when you look at the facts, that you’ve been wrong about an issue. This week, after seeing that Becky got pregnant on a recent vacation to Las Vegas, I realized I’ve been wrong about abortion this whole time. I know that many of you don’t know Becky, but as the one who created her I’ve been able to get to know her really well; and let me tell you, that woman has absolutely no business being a mother.

Don’t get me wrong: Becky has a lot of good qualities. I made sure of that when I created her. She’s very attractive, honest and really quite assertive. But one thing she is not is responsible. Becky can barely take care of herself (just wait until you see the way she dies!), and trying to take care of another person is the last thing she wants to do. She really is quite selfish.

I know that I shouldn’t kill the things I create, but really, the baby Becky would have isn’t going to be that great anyway. I know one of the most common anti-abortion points is that you could abort the person who cures cancer or some other disease. Let me tell you, Becky’s baby ain’t gonna do anything close to that. In fact, he’s going to spend nearly half his life in prison. So why not abort him? He’s just going to be a burden on society anyway.

Why don’t I abort her naturally, you ask? Well, that would take some serious work. I’d have to make sure that I get the fetus without hurting Becky at all, and really I’m not good at that. The abortion doctors are better. They’ve been trained and everything, while all I’ve done is watch them be trained. Usually when I’ve done them, I end up permanently scarring the mother. I don’t want to do that to Becky, especially not because of her deadbeat fetus! No no, human-aided abortion is best.

I really do feel bad. I should have seen this pregnancy coming from a mile away... after all, I am the creator of the universe. But please forgive me, because I had more important things going on. I didn’t think Becky would be stupid enough not to use protection. I guess this is the part where I should say that this is an example of why you should wait to get married to have sex, but no man should have to endure Becky for any longer than a couple of months. If there is anything Becky would be worse at then being a mother, it is a wife. So in the end, people, I guess I’m saying that in some cases abortion is not only acceptable but the right thing to do, and Becky’s situation is definitely one of those cases.

My blessings be upon most of you.