I'm Just Screwing With You Now | Winter

| Published Mar 1, 2011

I guess you can call me bitter. But who wouldn’t be, in my position? You know, all of you little whiners used to love me. Remember when you were kids and couldn’t wait for me to visit? I brought you snow days, snowmen, and Christmas. I was the perfect end to every year.

Photo illustration by .

What the hell happened? I see all of your Facebook statuses. You hate me now? You miss summer? Oh yeah, I really adore peeling sunburns and being smacked with the gentle scent of body odor from fat people, too. So I guess I agree with you there. You can’t drive while I’m around? Well, bitches, maybe you should learn to drive in the first place. The ice forced you to slip past that stop sign? Sure. It couldn’t be the distraction caused by texting your friend about how “its totes slippery out right now lol. :p”

So you know what? I’m done. Fuck all of you. My name is Winter, and I’m here to stay. Your wickedly violent car collisions are hysterical, anyway. And god, do I love freezing your snot on your morning walk to class. Go on and enjoy convincing yourself that 45 -degree days are pleasant. You’re on your knees for me, and you know it.

Don’t mess with me. That 75-degree afternoon? You’ve just been punk’d! Jesus Christ, it’s February! You really thought that was me letting spring take over? Keep groaning, you big babies. See what happens next, because I’m just fucking with you now.

The first day of spring is March 20. Until then, suck it up.

Comments

Posted Feb 28th, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Honestly, my only complaint is that the roof over my apartment blocks your snow from coming inside baby.

--J

Posted Mar 3rd, 2011 at 5:32 pm

the fat people joke is out of line and your loosely veiled blowjob-submission joke is tasteless. think before you type.

--conscientious observer

Posted Mar 4th, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I enjoy forcing women into submission to get a blowjob. I'm also fat and do sweat a lot in the summer and laughed at the joke.

--Greg Bright

Posted Mar 5th, 2011 at 1:54 am

What's not to laugh at about fat people?? If you're fat, that means you ate a whole bunch of food......................baaaaahahahahahahaah!!!!!! Now that is fucking funny......eating all that food and what not......that is WAY too much food!

--J

Posted Apr 21st, 2011 at 12:09 am

It wasn't a "loosely veiled blowjob-submission joke" you goddamn retard. Being "on your knees" is a popular expression for resorting to begging. God damn you're dumb. Also, fat people are fucking hilarious.

--Shawn

Posted Apr 23rd, 2012 at 9:18 am

Amanda, I was searching for sotnmhieg that I hadn't posted yet. You have seen the snake video , right?BPR, pussy.AnnieB, are you a pro at dolphin sex?Sheila, but clicking is the smart thing to do!Mike, really? No sense of adventure?Kirsten, is your tat of a dolphin's penis?NYCWD, I'm ashamed at you.Geeky, c'mmmmmonnnnnn!Dan, did I just break your mind?Mr. Fabulous, you weren't sorry this time, were you? I bet you surfed around on that site for hours.Heather, I can make my own gorilla porn.ADW, I am so glad that you have a little devil Avi sitting on your shoulder. Am I there when you're naked, too?TrishK, it can be a Flipper Flapper.Poppy, don't you love dolphins? Wouldn't you want to see someone else love dolphins too?Frankie, would I joke?

--Alleecsx

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