Hurricane Nigel Stays Off Coast, Yells British Insults At Florida

Story by Logan Thompson 

| Published Sep 8, 2009

In what had been a quiet hurricane season, a new storm came dangerously close to Florida’s coast over the weekend. Hurricane Nigel approached from the west, but missed reaching land by about 10 miles. It’s still in the process of missing.

“Usually a hurricane will approach from the opposite side,” said Florida meteorologist John Heinkman. “That was our first clue that this particular storm was a Category B (British).”

“A few people evacuated,” Heinkman said, “but most of them came back when the storm stopped moving.” The governor went on to say that although there hasn’t been any physical destruction, the economy of the state is taking a substantial hit.

“I used to go to our drive-in movie theatre all the time,” said Charlotte Poi, 28, of Clearwater, Fla. “It’s right by the beach -- such a beautiful spot. But all the yelling at the screen made it impossible, especially during scary movies. All I could hear was ‘Watch your bloody arse,’ or ‘Twit, refrain from entering that room!’”

Officials planned a press conference Monday afternoon, but abandoned it after getting shouted down with “Good show, you bloody tossers” and being invited to piss off, the barmy prats.