Homeless Man Enjoys Prestige That Comes With Being Mistaken For English Professor

Story by Meagan Jungman 

| Published Oct 6, 2009

Many UNL students expressed shock upon learning the man sitting outside of Andrews Hall on Monday was not a professor, but was, in fact, just some homeless guy.

Indeed, the identified hobo, James Bickford, 47, bears a striking resemblance to Dr. Winston Pemberton, a 63-year-old English professor who quietly retired at the end of the previous spring semester. Those involved believe the mix-up occurred was primarily due to the similar unkempt facial hair, gesticulating hand motions and a fondness for drinking before noon.

While the case of mistaken identity was in full swing, eyewitnesses recall watching the academic ass-kissers of campus converge around the man. Upon finding Bickford responsive to bribery, many students returned, this time bearing gifts of take-out, cigarettes and a total of $67.89 in petty cash.

Departing with assurances of “An A for every upstanding young person here. And an A plus for you, good sir! And you! And you!” Bickford made his grand escape. Students recall watching as the man promised a passing student sterling grades for the temporary usage of his bicycle and then proceeded to “haul some serious ass” off the premises.

It was only after Bickford left campus that people began to realize that the supposed professor to whom they had just devoted excessive time and money could in no plausible way ever raise their current grades. Sources say that it was senior Valerie Dunn, an English major, who revealed Bickford’s true identity.

“Are we talking about Professor P?” asked Dunn, as she passed by, trying to get to her next class. “I took his Beatnik Lit. course last semester. Totally cool guy — gave everyone great grades. But he retired. Bummer, huh? Oh — why did you just give your bike to that homeless dude who’s, like, always outside of Chipotle?”