Happy Meals Renamed “Self-Loathing Meals”

Story by Matt Sueper 

| Published Mar 15, 2011

McDonald’s restaurant CEO Roy Wadinger unveiled the new name of the restaurant’s trademark kids’ meal last Friday, saying the name is more realistic for the customers purchasing the meal. The Happy Meal, which has been a McDonald’s staple since 1979 and has gone through only minor changes since, will now be listed on the menu as the Self-Loathing Meal.

Though the food itself has not changed much since 1979, the customers ordering the meal are significantly different, according to Wadinger.

“In the early fast food market, Happy Meal customers were actually happy. Not so much anymore.”

Today, McDonald’s customers seem to be ordering these meals to eat their feelings away. Kids have traditionally been the main demographic, but there is a growing trend of depressed 30-year-olds “scarfing down multiple Happy Meals and playing with the toys classically associated with the meal,” restaurant historian Robert Spartz said.

Wadinger expressed the need for accuracy in naming the McDonald’s value meals, which is the main reason for the name change. The renaming of the McDonald’s trademark is accompanied by name-changes for several other staple menu items, including the Big Mac (“Coronary Burger”) and chicken McNuggets (“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Chicken McNuggets”).

“The new era of McDonald’s meals is here, and blunt truth is finally being accepted,” Spartz said.

In the few short days since the name changes hit restaurants, sales in these meals have gone dramatically up. Many depressed, overweight Americans are relishing in the bluntness of their food intake. They are by no means concerned.