Grandmother Impressed By Number Of Blacks Going To College These Days

Story by Ben Plowman 

| Published Sep 30, 2008

Prompted by seeing an African-American student studying at the union, Eloise Watson, 74, let assorted bystanders know how proud she is of African-American progress in America.

This took place last weekend while Watson was visiting her granddaughter, freshman Jenna Bateman.

After initial confusion about whether the student attended the university or was part of the wait staff, Watson remarked loudly enough to attract the attention of more than two dozen people that “The blacks sure have come a long way since when I was a girl.”

Despite repeated pleading from her granddaughter that she talk more quietly, Watson went into unneeded clarification, saying, “I’m not saying we should all start moving into the same neighborhood or any such foolishness, it’s just nice to see those people getting their act together.” She then made a false comment about Sbarro being run by Italians and walked toward Runza.

During the course of lunch, Watson managed to spot several additional African-Americans and pointed each of them out individually, describing what they were doing and wearing and repeatedly asking her granddaughter if she too could see them.

On multiple occasions onlookers slowed down to marvel at the terrible racism spewing from Watson’s adorable 5-foot-2-inch frame.

Bateman, having made the mistake of patronizing the Imperial Palace, was also forced to endure a series of comments about how Watson never really liked “the Chinaman’s noodles.”

Undeterred by Bateman’s attempts to distract her with questions about how she met her husband of more than 50 years,

Watson went on to inform her granddaughter that no boys would ever marry her if she kept wearing jeans and dressing like a boy.

She also reminded her granddaughter that nobody buys a cow when they can get the milk for free.

Before concluding lunch, Watson asked if Bateman had heard there was an “A-rab running for president now.”

After Bateman affirmed that she had, Watson offered no more commentary, merely chuckling and shaking her head.

As the two said their goodbyes, Watson dug a peppermint and $8 from her purse to give as a present to her granddaughter.

Immediately after hugging her grandmother goodbye, Bateman text messaged her new boyfriend, Carlos, that her grandmother was unable to make it to lunch today.

She then secretly hoped that either her grandmother would pass away or that she and Carlos would break up by Christmas so that the two would never have to meet.