Girl Passed Out On Couch Wouldn’t Dress Like That If She Didn’t Want Something

Story by Jacob Zlomke 

| Published Nov 17, 2009

Last Saturday morning around 2 a.m., Caitlin Copper passed out on the couch at a house party from drinking alcohol. Copper was wearing a low-cut, tight black dress and knee-high boots with two-inch heels — an outfit experts said she wouldn't have worn if she hadn't wanted something.

“It’s a typical mating ritual in the college scene,” expert Robert Greenwood explained. “Girls dress like whores and then pass out wherever, hoping some guy will come along and take advantage of them without their knowing. It definitely eliminates the guilt felt when shacking.”

Fraternity member Jason Longman agreed with Greenwood’s thoughts.

“Yeah, I saw that Caitlin chick sitting there, and she looked liked she needed something, so I sat down next to her,” Longman said. “What girl doesn’t want something from the Longman? Never mind the fact she was unconscious. She still wanted something. You can tell by how she’s dressed. I was doing her a favor.”

Copper does not recall her encounter with Longman, let alone most of the night, but she does recall her intentions for the night.

“I’m not saying I went into the night looking for love or some quickie, but my boyfriend had just broken up with me, so I was definitely slutting it up a little,” Copper said. “Unfortunately, though, I passed out before I could meet a cool guy or anything like that.”

“I would say the night went really well. I mean, I definitely got some of what I wanted, and even though she never said anything or asked for it, I know she got what she wanted,” Longman said.

Next weekend, Copper said she hopes for better results.

“Since I spent my night completely unconscious, it’s almost like nothing even happened,” Copper said. “But next weekend, I’ll be completely conscious for whatever goes down.”

Longman also said he also has different plans for next weekend.

“Wherever Cait’s going, I’ll probably go,” Longman said. “Regardless of whether she says yes or not, someone has to be there if she looks like she wants something.”