Gentleman Disappointed With Gentleman’s Club

Story by Alex Wunrow 

| Published Nov 9, 2010

Floyd Lavinch has always been a man of supreme taste. Everyday he wakes up, pours a glass of scotch, pours one out for his fallen fellow gentlemen and walks out his front door.

But it wasn’t until recently that he began seeking new outlets to outwardly display his vast level of sophistication.

“I usually roll around in lavish bars,” Said Lavinch “But the other day I stumbled across a Gentleman’s Club, and figured ‘why the hell not?’”

Unfortunately, Lavinch had no idea what kind of gentleman’s club he had just walked into: “I saw that there was a $20 cover charge, and didn’t think much of it, gentlemen don’t complain about money,” Lavinch said. “But when I walked in I saw my Uncle Bennet trying to give a reach around to a waiter.”

The club usually consists of stale perfume and moderate amounts of urine. Most of the club’s patrons are disenfranchised fathers looking for a place to “place their peep.”

“This place usually attracts a variety of characters,” said Stripper, Ronda Gold. “Guys who hate their wives, guys who hate themselves and then usually a few tweekers.”

Although the club managers tend to have an abusive physical and sexual relationship with most of the dancers, they usually make it up to them by awarding them with “extra” vagisil.

“Sometimes the patrons throw garbage at me,” said Gold. “But you get used to it, after all, life sucks, might as well strip.”