Failed High Five Shames Two, Ruins ‘Totally Awesome’ Moment

Story by Egon Sinclair 

| Published Nov 25, 2008

Tragedy struck Tuesday, when a bungled attempt at “giving five” robbed a truly majestic moment of all significance.

During a routine listing of “all the chicks they’d boned” the previous weekend, Chet Sanders and his best friend, Louis Seeker, realized they’d swapped carnal niceties with the same women within a three hour period.

This, of course, triggered a brief exchange in which the two friends doubted the validity of the other’s story.

“I was like, ‘No way, man!’ and he was like, ‘Way, dude. Way!’ and after that there was nothing to do but go in for a fiver,” Sanders recalled.

Had the exchange of five gone as planned, it would have been the misogynistic capstone on an already overtly masculine occasion. However, that was not the case.

“We both threw up our hands and went in for the kill,” Seeker said. “But I guess I must have still been hung over from the party Saturday, because it just went all kinds of wrong.”

Seeker said he was expecting the sound of the testosterone-laden high five to reverberate throughout his dorm room, alerting everybody on his floor to the fact something “completely sweet” had just taken place.

“I thought it was going to sound like, I dunno, a bald eagle strapped to a cruise missile going kamikaze on a monster truck, or something,” Seeker said

Unfortunately, the two friends’ hands failed to fully connect in midair, resulting in a tone Sanders likened to “the golf clap of high fives.”

Seeker suggested a second attempt, only to be shot down by Sanders.

The moment was dead and gone, and any attempts to replicate it would have tarnished its memory, like an EMT fruitlessly shocking an accident victim with a defibrillator long after they have passed on.

“I feel like Lou-dog totally dropped the ball on this one,” Sanders said, his eyes glossed over as stared at the wall, wistfully envisioning how “truly bangin’” that high five could have been. “Look at the elbow, man. It’s not hard just…just look at the elbow, man.”