ESPN Reports: Saints Super Bowl Victory Fixes All Of New Orleans' Problems

Story by Erik Mellgren 

| Published Feb 9, 2010

As the clock expired and the scoreboard showed the Saints had emerged triumphant over the Indianapolis Colts, the people of New Orleans were able to let out a huge sigh of relief. Hurricane Katrina, which destroyed the city of New Orleans in 2005, became nothing more than a memory. Experts in the field of sports are reporting that the last of the problems caused by the hurricane have finally been solved thanks to the Super Bowl victory.

“The horrors of Hurricane Katrina have lived within the hearts and minds of the people of New Orleans every day since 2005,” reported ESPN anchor Chris Berman. “This victory wipes all of that away; gives them a clean slate. They can finally move on with their lives knowing that the Saints have finally made their city whole again.”

The effects of the victory were seen instantaneously in the citizens of New Orleans. People were celebrating the victory up and down Bourbon Street, a sight which has not been seen in years. Most people on the street did not even show an interest in talking about Katrina, proving how the problems were only just now fixed by the game.

“Katrina, who the hell is talking about Katrina? The Saints won! Who dat say dey gonna beat dem saints!” Said Bourbon Street partier, James Binder.

“From what I can gather based on the area here around the Embassy Suites lobby is that all the problems that once plagued this city are gone. This Super Bowl win goes beyond Katrina, this is elevating these people up to a new level,” said ESPN analyst John Clayton. “Crime, racism, infrastructure, poverty--all gone. Everything that I can see here indicates that this victory has fixed every single problem that has ever affected the people of New Orleans.”

From the moment the Saints emerged from the tunnel onto the field with ‘When the Levee Breaks’ by Led Zeppelin playing to when the final whistle was blown, the Saints were hard at work fixing the problems of New Orleans. Through four quarters they built up a city that was still hurting from the $90 billion in damage that was caused by the hurricane.

“I have never seen a city make such a recovery from disaster like the people of New Orleans vicariously did through the Saints.” said ESPN commentator Ron Jaworski. “The Saints fixed every last problem that the hurricane had thrown at them five years earlier. It was beautiful.”

ESPN’s other reporter in New Orleans, Michele Tafoya, was not available for comment, as she has been reported missing. She was last seen being grabbed by several homeless men near a series of dilapidated buildings, not far from the Super Dome.