English Major Smoking 2-foot-long Cigarette Asserts Lordship Over Andrews Hall

Story by Ben Plowman 

| Published Nov 11, 2008

A mysterious English major known only as “Scarborough” took a group of forlorn-looking English students by surprise this past Friday when he appeared unannounced to smoke one of his hand-rolled two-foot-long cigarettes outside the East steps of Andrews Hall before becoming the hall’s lord, sources report.
    
During the course of smoking his cigarette he looked thoughtfully into the distance before pulling a notepad from his back pocket and scribbling down some poetry that suddenly struck him.

After putting out his cigarette on the sole of one of his shoes, he took over control of the hall from English Department Chair Joy Ritchie, asserting his noble claim to the building had been passed down through the ages.
    
Several other students reported having seen Scarborough in the back of their English class, mostly writing in his notepad though occasionally making vague observations about what was being discussed.

“He never spoke to anybody directly, but you could just tell he was the coolest English major out of all of us,” said Tuesday Morrison, a student who shared a class with Scarborough.
    
“Something about the tightness of his jeans and the depth of his detachment made you know he was no mere commoner,” Morrison added.