Editor's Note (4/13/10)

Story by John Rincon 

| Published Apr 13, 2010

Hello Complainers,

Thank you for all of your positive online feedback. I’ve really appreciated how warmly you have accepted me as editor.

From opining that the DailyER has turn to shit, to requesting Carson’s return to the editorship, your encouragement has really warmed my heart.

The sound of you whining fills me with great joy. Your tears give me strength. Your sorrow is as sweet as a butterscotch sundae drizzled with the chocolate made from your bitter beans.

Your cries for my deposing imbue me with the comforting knowledge that there are so many of you who can do my job better than me.

Those who call me a coward and then hide behind the anonymity of the internet show me there is promise in our readership.

I hope one day I’m as cool as you.

I mean, I’m funny, charismatic, smart and pretty damn good-looking, but I don’t stand a chance against you guys and the heterosexual female, “Former DailyER Fan.”

I can tell by your unmitigated negativity you have top-notch senses of humor. I want to party with all of you.

You’re totally right too. Our articles turned into garbage when I’ve shown up, especially compared to the ones you write and publish.

Not to mention, you hit it on the head telling me my editor’s column is tragically devoid of satire. How could I be so foolish?

I promise from here on out my columns will be pure sarcasm and the antithesis of how I actually feel. So believe me when I say, thank you.

You haters are the true comedians. Thanks for the pointers.

I have an idea. Just hear me out.

All of you joyless bastards should apply to be the editor next year.

Read the ad on the back if you can’t figure out how.

With the damage I inflicted on this publication--we need your help more than ever.

And to think, I was under the impression that the editor’s note was a platform to share my personal opinion.

Thanks for correcting me; I was way off.

Just kidding. I’m an amazing editor.

Maybe the greatest ever.

The DailyER is the funniest publication this side of the Mississippi and will continue to be so for a long time to come.

So fans keep on enjoying the glorious guffaws to be found within our textual folds while the self-loathers sip on their Haterade.

In the words of the late MC Hammer, “You can’t touch this.”

...MC Hammer is dead, right?

Salud,


John Rincon
Editor-in-Chief
DailyER Nebraskan