Editor's Note (09/0710)

Story by Jacob Zlomke 

| Published Sep 7, 2010

I hate satire.

I want to punch it in the throat.

Think of how much you hate that Steve Buscemi guy. The one that just plays the same weasel charcater in almost every movie you’ve ever seen (did you know he was even in three episodes of “Pete and Pete?” What a dick.), you know the one. You hate him almost as much as I hate satire.

Our hatred for these two things stems from a very similar place: the way he looks kind of bothers you; you can’t quite place why, and that bothers you even more. He probably smells bad. He makes you want to call your mom and apologize for spending all of your parents’ money on binge drinking. Just thinking about Steve Buscemi probably stresses you out.

Satire is a lot like that. Exactly like that, in fact.

But here I am, editor of a publication that is neck deep in satire. In fact, it would probably be fair to say that it’s kind of the DailyER Nebraskan’s thing. Another fair thing to say would be, “This is fucking dumb.” You’d be right if you said that. But stay with me, we’re getting somewhere.

If I hate satire so much, why did I allow myself to become editor?

I’ll tell you. Because I’m a good person. Probably the best you’ll ever encounter. By taking this position, I am doing you a service. Be thankful.

For those of you not putting the pieces together, let me spell it out:

You need satire. That was the one thing Maslow left out of his hierarchy of human needs. It should fall third on the list. He died from lack of satire, incidentally.

You need it because, god complexes aside, it’s good for society. If the DailyER Nebraskan weren’t here to point out to you the fallacies and misconducts and slip ups and wrongdoings and stupiddoings while making you laugh, who would?

No one. That’s who. You would be awash in a sea of pointless ASUN motions, confusing budget cuts and sensationalist Daily Nebraskan articles, with no filter through which to process them.

So here we are, as a service to you. Use it. Enjoy it. Laugh with us. Laugh at other people. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself as well. And I’ll try to have a little fun along the way.

Oh yeah, we also have a really kick-ass entertainment section.


Yours in Satire,
Jacob Zlomke