Economy Admits It Has Been Prescribed Antidepressants.

Story by Felipe Entrigo 

| Published Sep 20, 2011

In a shocking revelation last Tuesday, the American Economy admitted that it had been prescribed antidepressants.

“You know, I had so much fun with the housing bubble, and then I just hit a wall,” the Economy admitted in an interview.

The Economy hasn’t recovered much over the past two years and the unemployment rate remains at 9.1 percent. President Obama has submitted a jobs plan to Congress hoping to turn things around, but the Economy expressed reluctance to accept the assistance.

“I really appreciate everyone trying to help me, but this is my own problem. I’m sorry I’m messing with everyone’s lives.”

The Economy’s recent admittance has earned it some sympathy from the White House.

“This is perhaps the first instance where an economic powerhouse admitted its faults,” President Obama said at a campaign stop in New Hampshire. “We must stand by our Economy and try to be strong for it.”

In contrast, Republican candidate Michelle Bachmann has suggested that the Economy “should try to get back to church on Sundays,” linking its recent problems with a greater spiritual issue.

Though the oreal, Fed Chief Ben Bernanke has remained hopeful.

“The previous economic stimulants have only helped. In a few months, perhaps with time and adjustments to the Economy’s medication, things can get better.”

To those who are still unemployed, this is little solace.

“Labor Day was horribly ironic for me; it was just like every other day,” Rob Burns, an unemployed Lincoln resident, said.

The Economy has been largely silent about previous stimuli, but in light of its medical announcement has offered a few comments.

“The Stimulus Packages and Quantitative Easing have been nice, but they’ve made me feel empty inside,” the Economy complained to reporters. “Like I’m just a bunch of numbers and graphs that people pretend to understand. It’s almost like they don’t even see me as human.”