Drunk Student Can’t Believe We Never Go To Lazzari's

Story by Bryce Wergin 

| Published Sep 22, 2009

As the hour drew closer to 1:00 am and the bars began to close last Thursday, students found their way to their favorite stop for “drunk munchies.” Some chose Amigos, some chose Jimmy Johns; the bolder drunkards shuffled into the Gourmet Grill for some Gyros. But none of these options sounded appealing to UNL senior Biology major Thomas Lyman. After last call at Main Street, Lyman’s favorite bar, he and his friends decided to grab some Mexican food at D'Leon’s. After seeing the massive line of equally drunk and boisterous students, they decided to try their luck elsewhere.

“I knew I didn’t want to go to Amigos. No matter what you get there, you just end up smothering it in ranch and cheese sauce anyway. It wasn’t one of those nights. I knew Jimmy Johns wasn’t what I wanted either, I hate how the sandwich ingredients always slide out the other end of the bread every time I take a bite. That just kills my good mood,” Lyman said. “I needed some unhealthy food, and fast. I had the itch, but didn’t know how to scratch it. Then my friend Alan made a suggestion.”

Alan Haynes, a senior Actuarial Science major at UNL and roommate of Lyman, said the group “had a hard jonesing for some food,” and no idea where to go. “We were all out of ideas, until somebody suggested Lazzari’s. Thomas had never been there before, so we decided to take him to check it out.”

“I had heard of it before,” Lyman said. “But I just thought it was that pizza place where the aging hipsters go to buy their imported Mongolian beer, or whatever the hell they drink. Boy was I mistaken. I was drunk, so I ordered three slices of the spicy chicken pie and ate all three in about four minutes. It was probably pretty good though. My only complaint is that they don’t have a salsa bar like at D'Leon’s. They should really look into getting one.”

Chris Jacobson, 25, was working the counter when Lyman and his friends ordered their pizza. When reached for comment Jacobson said they were “probably drunk,” and “I don’t really remember, the place is packed with drunk people during the weekends. Why the fuck are you guys running a news story on this anyway?”

Lyman said he plans to frequent Lazzari's in the future and is excited to see what their food tastes like when sober.